This person, who in my tiny, trusting, vulnerable eyes had great authority, had one job; to invite, initiate and inspire me into the world of music and rhythm, expression and joy. Instead she told me (and I believed her) that I was not good enough, that I didn’t belong, that I should be quiet and hope nobody noticed my brokenness and inadequacy. And I definitely should not try to belong to the group. Five. I was five years old.
Looking back I can see how my response to confronting this new revelation of my heinous failure to be good at something as basic and elemental as music, was what led me to sadly and quietly excuse myself from music, from “the group” and from expressing my voice (more on all THAT later).
These experiences ARE traumatic. And so many of us have had them.
These and other experiences like them, often involve humans who are in their own world of pain and dysfunction from their own childhood traumas. They shape who we are and who we become at every level of our being. And creatively they can be the bottleneck that holds us back, the thing that stops us from expressing the wild, raw, current of joy that we are built to express. (IMPORTANT: It is never too late to set yourself free from them and everything they led you to believe - that's why you're here)
We are relational beings. There is literally no point of existing without one another.
And that thing inside you that inspires your deep desire, your wish to create, to be creative - is not just for you to enjoy (though we all know the joy of creating something from nothing) it wants to create things that will delight OTHERS. It is longing to create new things so it can give them away and say LOOK! I MADE YOU SOMETHING BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!
The same impulse is happening in everybody, everywhere. The problem is that so many of us are holding it all inside, so we are neither fully experiencing the joy of creating ourselves, nor able to receive all the gifts that others are similarly holding inside under careful lock and key. No wonder we're glitching.
I’ll tell you this. The world needs your gifts. Do not wait until it feels “safer”. Answer the wish that keeps whispering to you. Do it today! Play. Explore the thing you daydream about, the thing you always wish you “could have done” Start to find your voice. And then let it out. We need you, the whole you. And it is not too late. It is never too late.
And I will tell you another thing. If you are reading this, it means you are ready to bravely start to share your deepest self. It is time. We've missed you. Welcome home.