Letting Ourselves Be Grumpy (and Why That Matters)

You’d never know it because I’m a chronic people pleaser, but I was having a really grumpy day today. And these two women (pictured below) were the turning point. Stories of their 30 year friendship, their warmth, generosity,  kindness, joy and hugs made my day.

 The Creative Genius Patreon

This morning started bumpy. My ex-husband called early—our kids had just transitioned back to his house, and those days are always tender. Change is hard for everyone, but especially for kids. And if I’m honest, I think it’s hard for him too.

It was day two at his place, morning (which is rarely smooth with pre-teens and teens), and he was having a tough time. The kids were grumpy, he was overwhelmed, and he called to say, “I can’t do this anymore.” As a good co-parent and friend, I pep-talked him through it. We got everyone settled. It resolved nicely, but still—a bit of a rocky way to start the day.

Then I hit awful traffic. The gaslight came on. When I finally got to Granville Island, the parking meter was broken and wouldn’t take my card. It was one little thing after another. By 10 a.m., I was grumpy. Really grumpy.

I tried to shake it off and settle into my day, but it was one of those days at the market where people kept coming up to ask where the bathroom was or how to find a particular restaurant or where they could fill up their water bottles. Normally, I’m more than happy to help—I love people. I love being helpful. But today? I just wanted to scream, “I’m here to sell jewelry, not be your tour guide!”

At one point I even put on my noise-canceling headphones just to create a little bubble of quiet around me. It’s loud in the market—ten hours of a constant roar. And still, a woman came up and tapped me on the arm. I pulled out a headphone and she asked, “Where’s the bathroom?” I helped her, of course. But inside I was like, seriously?

And yet—I smiled at everyone. I was polite. I pushed through.

But here’s what I’ve been thinking about since then.

This morning, before I even left the house, I read a headline about how 80% of autoimmune diseases are in women—and researchers are beginning to believe that suppressed emotions might be a root cause. That stuck with me.

A couple weeks ago, one of my market neighbours showed up in a mood—like a full-on storm of grump. He’s a good guy, kind and gentle, but he was not okay that day. Another vendor brought him a coffee, and later I got him a donut. We never did find out what was bothering him, but we gave him space. He didn’t lash out. He just was—grumpy and human. And we all worked around that.

And I remember thinking, must be nice.

Because I don’t give myself that permission. Even when I’m feeling heavy or overwhelmed or just plain grumpy, I keep it to myself. I put on a smile. I manage other people’s feelings even while I’m juggling my own. And I don’t think that’s healthy.

I don’t think that’s great for our creativity, either.

When we’re spending all our energy suppressing our real feelings, it shuts us down. It pulls us away from curiosity, from presence, from joy—and from the deep well of creativity that lives in all of us.

So today, I practiced letting myself be a little more grumpy than usual. I didn’t unleash it on anyone, but I didn’t swallow it down, either. I gave it a bit of breathing room. And eventually, the day turned around. Two wonderful customers came to visit me near the end of the day, and their light helped me find my own again. (You can see them over on my @lovemorningmoon Instagram if you're curious—they really lifted me.)

All of this to say: I want to gently invite you to check in with yourself.

Are you suppressing your feelings to make other people more comfortable?

Are you managing everyone else’s experience of you while ignoring your own?

It’s so much. It’s not sustainable. And I truly believe it can make us sick—emotionally, physically, creatively.

So here’s your invitation from me today: let yourself feel what you’re feeling. Even the crunchy stuff. Especially the crunchy stuff. It’s almost a sacred duty in times like these—when our communities and our world are in such upheaval—to stay connected to the full range of our human experience.

Because when we allow ourselves to feel it all, we can start to access the juicy, wise stuff that lives deep inside us.

I love you. I’m so glad you’re here.

Next week’s podcast episode is a good one—I can’t wait to share it with you. And if these little behind-the-scenes bonus posts are something you enjoy, or if there’s something you’d love to see more of (in the podcast, on Patreon, anywhere)—please tell me.

This is our community, and I’m always listening.

Even in the middle of traffic jams and broken parking meters and bathroom-direction overload—I’m so grateful we get to do this together.

Talk soon.
With love,